New Blog

Not sure if anyone still checks in and reads this blog, but I have started another one to detail our pregnancy journey.. If you read this and want to follow the other one, please send me an e-mail at Ryann1201@yahoo.com with your name and how you know/know of me.. The information on the other blog is more personal, so I want to make sure that I know or "know of" the people who will be reading it. If I don't respond to your e-mail (hopefully it doesn't go into the spam folder), just leave a comment and I'll check for it! :)

I'm a planning fool...

So, I am only 10 weeks along today.. But then I read something this morning (or maybe it was last night?) that said the next 30 weeks will go by fast.. And I assume they will.

I have always been a planner in everything. Our wedding, our new house, trips, etc. And it's naturally carried on to the baby planning. I will admit that I browsed through nursery bedding ideas months back before I was even pregnant... but wasn't exactly sure what I liked.

I am a VERY indecisive person and I typically go back and forth with decisions for quite awhile and if Christian isn't sure either, it only makes it worse! haha It honestly makes me feel anxious when I am trying to decide between two or more things... So, I decided to just get it done.

For example, Christian and I decided on baby names that we liked quite a while ago.. We have a boy's name picked out and a girl's name picked out. We are not looking through baby name books or coming up with other ideas. We have two names picked out and we're sticking to them.

Same thing with baby crib bedding.. Yesterday, I spent a great deal of time looking at bedding and e-mailing them to Christian for his opinions. We've narrowed it down to one boy bedding and one girl bedding.. and I'm 90% sure that we're sticking to those.. unless I stumble across something else that I like more (but I don't really plan on looking) or if we find something that is a little more reasonably priced. We've also got an idea of what color we are painting the walls, depending on the bedding.

There is also a line of baby items (stroller, bassinet, etc.) that we really like and I'm pretty certain that's what we're going with..

So.. I'm only 10 weeks pregnant, but I'd say we've got quite a bit figured out already! :)

My next appointment is with my MFM Dr. on Tuesday, the 16th. We're having another ultrasound, so I'm excited about that.

I'm still waiting on my temp license so that I can start work. I really hope that it's here by next week. I can only work until October and need to get started to make some money! We mailed out 38 resumes to different companies for Christian yesterday... hopefully some leads will come from that!

...And back on the injections I go!!

My MFM Dr. took me off of my Lovenox and decided to closely monitor me, due to my history of Osteopenia.. She said that being on the injections caould cause me to lose 30% of my bone mass.

Well... today, I started getting some numbness and tingling in my right arm.. My arms are where my blood clots always form.. Which, my Dr. has said, is rare and shows that I have a higher potential to develop clots. So, I called and left a message for my Dr. just to see if I needed to do anything differently (I take a daily aspirin) and they said to start up my Lovenox immediately tonight!

..And just when the bruises on my stomach were starting to heal.. But, whatever it takes to keep this baby alive, I will do.

Nerves...

Since the beginning of my pregnancy (when I found out), the longest I have gone is 2 weeks between appointments. I'll only be 9 weeks this week, but I've already had 4 appointments! My next one isn't for another 19 days.. and it's been about a week since my last one. Yes, I know that many women don't get their first appointment until 8 weeks, so in that sense, I am lucky, but still...

I have been really sick and at my appointments, I have been told this is a really good sign that things are going along as they should. This weekend, I started to not feel *as bad* (although I still am sick some throughout the day) and it's making me nervous. I'm not saying that I WANT to be sick, but being sick has assured me that things are going ok.

I have to admit that I am turning into a nervous wreck.. I am so nervous that I am going to go in for another ultrasound in the next few weeks and something won't be right with the baby.. I know I need to think positive, but I'm just scared.. Infertility will always be a part of my life, no matter what, and I'm trying to enjoy the pregnancy, but I just can't right now. The fact that they also took me off of my injections makes me nervous as well.. I could handle the appointments every 2 weeks, but having to wait longer is just hard. ...And I think the main concern is coming from the fact that I haven't been as sick the last two days..

General Update

Things are going good.. I have been pretty nauseous the past week or so, but haven't actually thrown up. Just a constant feeling that I am getting ready to. Eating has been a little rough, as nothing sounds good and I have to literally force myself to eat because the thought of food makes me want to vomit! haha ..But my Dr. said that me feeling sick is actually a really good sign. She said that I've just got so many hormones going on in my body (where there has actually been a huge shortage the past few years) and that this really is a good sign. So, I'll take it! :)

We had two appointments on Tuesday.. One was with my high risk pregnancy Dr. (MFM). She decided to take me off of the injections because of my history with osteopenia. She said that since I already have bone loss, that if I stay on the injections throughout my entire pregnancy, it can cause me to lose 30% of the bone mass that I have left. Which, obviously, wouldn't be a good thing because she said it would make my bones extremely brittle. So.. I'm still taking my aspirin each day as a blood thinner and have to keep an eye on the feeling if I am getting any clots. Mine have always been in my arms, which she says are very uncommon and means that I am at a higher risk for clots. She said later in the pregnancy, they may have to put me back on the injections. I see this Dr. again in three weeks.

Then, later that afternoon, we had an appointment with my OBGYN.. We did an ultrasound and saw the baby.. It's amazing how much it has grown since the ultrasound 13 days ago! We could see the head and the arms and the Dr. said when she first looked at the screen it was moving around. When she showed it to us, the baby was floating around upside down. It was amazing that we could actually see that there was, in fact, a baby in there.. It's still such a surreal feeling.. But the Dr. said that everything looks great and that the baby is right on track with where it needs to be! I'll go back to this Dr. in 4 weeks.

So, I am currently 8 weeks pregnant, with a due date of January 6, 2010. The kept going back and forth, but after seeing three doctors, they all agreed on this. :) When I go back to my regular OBGYN, I will be getting ready to start my 2nd trimester.. During my second trimester, I will probably see my high risk Dr. once a month and my OBGYN once a month.. Then, when I start my 3rd trimester (which will be in the beginning of October), both of them want to each see me TWICE a WEEK. So.. my entire weeks from then on will consist of pretty much nothing but Dr's appointments. They've also suggested I not work during my third trimester.. which would be pretty hard to do anyways with all of those appointments.

As far as jobs for us.. Christian is still looking.. He's submitting resumes everyday to companies and is either getting no reply or people saying they are not currently hiring. I think him and I need to sit down this weekend and really brainstorm on ideas.. Double check which companies he has applied to, send out hard copy resumes, etc. Thankfully, he still has his current job!

Yesterday, I submitted all of my paperwork to get my license to practice.. It took a few days of running around to get everything that I needed, but it is finally done. Now, it's just a waiting game to hear back from them and to receive my license. I'm hoping it's within the next couple of weeks because I really need to start work. I have that job offer from my first clinical rotation, and I have already received the hire packet to fill out and today, my Supervisor and I will be talking money.. I'm so ready to start, but can't do anything until I receive my license.

Mason is still his crazy self and Cooper is still always wanting to be on top of me. We have noticed a big change in Bailey, which surprises me. I think he senses that there is something "different" with me because anytime I'm laying on the couch, he has to be touching me with his head next to, or on my belly. He has also gotten very protective and barks at any noise or any person outside.. He has NEVER done this. Before these changes, we could count how many times he has barked in the years that we have had him..

So.. that's what's been going on with us.. :)

Oh. The. Sickness.

I am sick... and have been, pretty constantly. My morning sickness is lasting throughout the day. It typically comes in the morning, then randomly throughout the day, and then gets really bad in the evening and lasts until I fall asleep at night. Nothing sounds good to eat and I have to force food down, because I know that I need it..

I have an appointment with my MFM Dr. on Tuesday and then one later that afternoon with my OBGYN. I'm going to mention the sickness to see what they think, but I'm thinking that I may need to take some medicine for it. .. Especially when I am working. If you know anything about working in a skilled nursing facility, there are some weird, strong smells that would even make a normal person sick. And part of my job as a therapist will be working with my patients in their room and doing bathing, dressing, etc. so I need to be able to handle any smells that may come my way..

I feel bad because for the last two nights, Christian has been excited to grill out, but the thought makes me want to gag. Last night, the only thing I was able to eat were about three french fries. Tonight, I am attempting a baked potatoe and mixed veggies.. He'll be grilling a steak to go with his meal as well.

Honestly, this pregnancy doesn't seem real. I mean, the sickness and the nightly injections obviously mean something's going on, but as far as having a baby inside of me.. Yeah, it hasn't hit me yet. We've had two ultrasounds so far and will have another (if not two!) on Tuesday, but I really don't think it's going to feel real until I start getting bigger and actually feel the baby moving.. And I've got quite a ways off until then. Of course, a big part of this is the fact that my IF struggles are always on my mind. It's so hard to just let go of the guard that I have put up to have to deal with the worse at any moment.. No matter what, IF will always be apart of my life.. I just hope that I can enjoy being pregnant soon and not constantly be worrying!

First Injection + Pain = Check!!

Just got done with my first injection.. Wow! That hurt!! It actually felt like electric shocks as the medicine was going in..

Funny story (but not so much at the time):

I could not, for the life of me, get the cap off of the needle. C and I both tried for 20 minutes.. We went to 2 neighbors who weren't home to see if they could try (one has gone through IF stuff, so I thought she may be my best shot, as she knows about our pregnancy). Then, our older neighbor next door was outside and I asked him if he knew of anyone in the neighborhood who was a nurse (we just moved here a few months back). He pointed me to a house (we have never met this lady) and C and I walked over to knock on her door. Her windows were open and we could hear people talking, but they wouldn't answer the door..

So, finally, I got in the car and was headed to Walgreens and called my Mom. She suggestion that I try the fire department, so I turned around and drove there!! I went in and told them this was my first injection and could not get the cap off. They tried for a minute and then finally pulled at it like they were going to rip it in half and it finally came off.. Hopefully, that one was just defective and they aren't all like that.. So, then I drove home with an open syringe so I could give myself my first injection at home... The things we do... lol

Feeling Thankful

Today I am feeling so thankful. After checking in on my TTTC ladies, I just became overwhelmed with a sense of thankfulness. I am so thankful to have this baby growing inside of me. I am so thankful to have gotten pregnant during our "break cycle". It's almost overwhelming to me... I am still in shock, but I am so, so happy. I saw someone on Facebook post ultrasound pictures.. She is about 8 weeks ahead of me and you can clearly make out the features of the baby. I cannot wait until we get an ultrasound like this!

Yesterday was the first morning that I woke up feeling sick. I woke up feeling sick this morning as well. But, once I got up and ate some oatmeal, I started to feel better.

I'm still waiting to hear back from my Dr.'s office. The daily injections they want me to take are over $1200 out of pocket a month, so we are contacting the distributor directly to see if something can be worked out, since that is an outrageous expense. My Dr. is out of the office today, so I don't expect to hear back until Monday.

Overall, things are going great! I paid the fee to register to take my boards exam so I can get my license to practice. I was offered a job before I found out I was pregnant and I let my future boss know that I am pregnant and she was more than fine with it! She is so great and I'm thankful to have a future boss like her.. Hopefully, I'll be able to begin work in the next couple of weeks.

Saw the heartbeat for the first time!

We had our second ultrasound today.. I went to my OB's new office and the staff there is fantastic!! As I was laying there, the Dr. called Christian over to look at the screen and then she turned it so I could see. And there it was... the heartbeat! I immediately burst into tears and the nurses started getting teary eyed! haha I just couldn't believe it.. We have waited for this so long and right when we had decided to quit trying for awhile, it happened. It still seems so surreal.. and it hasn't sunk in yet.

I'm going next week to tell me old coworkers and I am so excited about it! They know all about my infertility and knew each time I went to the Dr., etc. I was very open with them all about our struggle and my boss is also infertile and was never able to concieve.. So I know she is going to be ecstatic! I'm trying to think of a creative way to tell them.. I just graduated and they think I'm coming back to show gradation pictures. So, I may get some graduation pictures and take a copy of the ultrasound and put them all into envelopes and give them to them as a group. Not sure yet, but that's just an idea.

I found out that I have to do daily shots in my stomach, due to my blood disorders. Problem is, I went to get the prescription filled, and insurance denied it. So, the Dr. has to call and explain why I have to have this, etc. And if they still refuse, I will have to pay out of pocket.. all $350 of it.

In two weeks, I am going to a materal fetal medicine specialist to discuss the blood disorders and my pregnancy in general, since I am more on the "high risk" side. And then that same day, I go back to my OB for another ultrasound and bloodwork.

And while I'm waiting for these next appointments to come, I need to study for my boards exam and register to take it and also pay all of the fees associated with getting my license. I hope it doesn't end up to be as much of a pain as it seems it's going to be.

Secret Angel Exchange

Quite a few of us ladies on my Trouble Trying to Conceive Board decided to do a Secret Angel Exchange for Mother's Day. We could make a wish list of some of our favorite angels and our designated person could pick which one they wanted to get us. My angel came from Tarah (Tarahville) and she picked a perfect one for me: Angel of Wishes. We all decided to open our angels on Mother's Day so that we would each have something to look forward to.

Little did I know that I would also have something to look forward to on this day.. The fact that we are now expecting. The ladies on the TTTC board are all so supportive and caring and it is so bittersweet to be making the transition to the success after infertility board. Of course we are so very excited, but I will miss the girls on the TTTC board and may just have to pop in once in awhile to say hey! :)

I want to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day.. Those that have children currently and those that do not yet have their babies to hold.. I know that one day, we will each be a Mother.. one way or another.. Thank you ladies for your constant support. I don't know how I would have gotten through this journey without you.

BFP, BFP, BFP!!!!

Alrighty, time to make an official announcement...

We are going to have a baby!!!

I was out and about yesterday.. went and visited my old coworkers, decided to go shopping for a graduation outfit (which is on Tuesday, by the way!), go by the tanning bed (and buy a whole new package of minutes!), and then figured I'd run into Publix and buy a pack of pregnancy tests since I was "technically" late, but with me, you never know.. I just needed to rule it out and know for sure that it was a negative.. like it has been for all these many, many, many months..

So, I get home, and Christian is mowing the lawn. I go in to try on my new outfits, but figured I'd pee on the freakin' stick to get it over with.. I pee on it, lift my arm up to set it on the counter to process and tell me that I was in fact, not pregnant (which I already knew) and I didn't even get the thing on the counter before it popped up postitive! The pregnancy line was way darker than the control line! I couldn't believe it.. I struggled to pull my pants up and find my flip flops as I stood in the bathroom, screaming, as the boys looked at me like I was crazy. I ran outside and stood on the porch, waving my hands like a mad woman (with the pee stick in my hand!), trying to get Christian's attention. He finally looked over and saw that my face was red and that I was crything and later told me that he thought something happened to one of the boys.. I ran over to the lawn mower, as he's yelling for me to be careful, so I don't get my toes chopped off.. I yell at him that we are pregnant and going to have a baby!! He sits there in shock, as he fumbles to turn the lawn mower off and I'm shoving the pee stick towards him. His first reaction was "No way, go pee on another one!" To which I replied that I was out of urine and this was definitely a positive test.. He came inside and after a minute, we immediately starting calling people. I laugh because I had always said that when this happened, we would be cautious and wait until I was out of the first trimester.. yeah, that idea didn't last long.

Christian had to go finish mowing the lawn before it turned dark, so I started googling my potential due date and calling more of my friends.. When he came back in, he decided to run to McDonald's and made sure to get me a large sweet tea so that I could produce more urine for that second test... which of course popped up positive within 3 seconds.

I barely slept at all last night.. I couldn't stop thinking about it!

This morning, I went to my RE and they did an ultrasound.. we saw the little sac, but it is still trying to be determined if I am 5 or 6 weeks along. According to my last cycle date, I should be about 6 weeks, but the ultrasound looked to be about 5 weeks. If that's the case, then I just ovulated later than what they suspect, which I think is the case.

So.. I get blood results tomorrow and go back next week for another ultrasound and repeat of today to check progress. Thankfully, I will be going to my OBGYN's office, starting next week, which will save quite a bit of money because we are covered by insurance there.

This all still seems so surreal.. I feel like it's just a dream. :)

Adding onto my list...

Fianlly got a call back from my Dr.'s office about my bone density scan. Osteopenia was shown on the scan, which is a precursor to osteoporosis. So, I already have a reduction in my bone mass/density (which typically doesn't happen until you are older). An appointment has already been made for me to see an Endocrologist so we can figure out what the heck is going on with my hormones. I was also told that I will be put on medication for my bones.

So, let's recap it all for anyone who happened to recently stumble across my blog:

- Endometriosis
- 2 Blood Disorders (Pai 1 and MTHRF)
- Pituitary Tumor
- Osteopenia
- INFERTILITY!!

It seems that no matter where I go, I can't escape babies or pregnant people. Thankfully, I am not in the "mad" stage right now, but it does make me sad.. I sit there and watch them and think about how I cannot wait until Christian and I have a baby. And wonder if I will even get there... and realize and think about everything that I have already gone through and what I will have to continue to go through to even have the chance of getting pregnant and delivering a healthy baby. I find myself surrounded by discussions of people talking about their pregnancy, how they are decorating the nursery, names they have picked out.. people who have recently had children.. stories of what their children are doing. When is it going to be our time?

So... the next step is that I will be starting acupuncture with a guy who is known for his success with infertility. Christian will also be taking supplements from the acupuncturist. We will set up the consultation in a couple of weeks and begin by the first of February. I've already had a phone consultation with him and he wants Christian and I both to cut out caffeine completely, wants me to eat eggs twice a day for the animal protein (since I am a vegetarian and won't eat meat), and not do any cardio. I am having an issue with the no cardio, as I want to lose about 10 pounds, especially before I become pregnant. I've done some research and found that weight can still be lost without cardio, but I just think it would be really difficult... But, I do know that diet is the majority of the plan for weight loss. So, I do need to start eating better.. and stop sipping on the coke I just had. Yes, I know.. no caffeine. I have said that once the caffeine is out of my house, I will not buy anymore.. And I have some tea left and about a half liter of Coke left.. Then, I'll turn hard core. I wonder if he means no chocolate either? That does have caffeine... This may be harder than I originally thought..

So... to sum it up, acupuncture until June. If no success, onto injectables and IUI.

Progress!!

Well... She has come to visit. Aunt Flo decided to see me!! I am so freakin' excited! I haven't had a period in 2 years and yesterday, it started. Now, I've just got to see if I ovulate. So, I'll start testing in about a week or so and see if I ovulate. Let's hope so! :)