I'm loosing my job...

My job has been talking about the potential of lay offs and it is now official. My last day is next Friday. It's a lot to take in at once. My boss and I briefly talked about it last week, but there was nothing set in stone.. It was pretty much just left up in the air. Well, she approached me this morning and said that she was going to let the rest of my department know. So, one by one, everyone filed into the conference room. There are only about 10 of us and we are all pretty close. Some of them were shocked, some I had already hinted to them to possibility... But either way, they were upset.

But, I think it's going to be for the best. Financially, it will be hard, but that will just mean serious budgeting and not going out to eat as much. I'm hoping to be able to make it through this last semester of school without working.

As for IF related treatment, I worry. I don't know how much we can really can swing the amounts that are predicted. I guess we'll just have to see what the results of my MRI are and take it from there. One step at a time...

MRI Set

Juat got the call.. My MRI is scheduled for Monday at 5:30pm. I was surprised that they had such a late appointment. That works well for me with my work schedule.. I've never had an MRI. It's not the actual MRI I'm scared of.. It's the IV. Anything to do with needles. Ugh. But I'll get through it! :)

I'm angry. And bitter.

I'm just in a really foul mood. Every bit of research I've done is saying that the best bet would be to do injectables for our IUI procedure. Problem is, my Dr. said the average cost is between $2k-$3k each cycle. Who the heck has this kind of extra money just there. I know we don't. Plus, there is no guarantee that the first cycle would work and we'd still be trying to have a baby, only a few grand less than what we started. I understand it's a risk to take, but at the same time, it all just frustrates me.

Why is it that so many people who don't deserve to have children.. who neglect them.. don't teach them the things a parent should teach their child, etc. are able to just pop them out? And I expected to pay a few grand JUST FOR MEDICATIONS. This does not even include the cost of the actual procedure.

Can't something please go my way?! It would have all worked out perfect... I wanted to be pregnant in September, so that we would be due after we both graduate from school and I would be able to take that full year off to stay at home with the baby. That little dream is slipping away.. and pretty fast at that.

So, if anyone has any ideas of how to get a bunch of money, let me know. We don't qualify for the few loan programs I've found out there. And don't bother suggesting robbing a bank. I've already thought of that. And decided that wouldn't be the best bet. If I'm in jail, then I guess that would lessen the possibility of me getting pregnant, huh?

Back from RE Appointment

Well... We had our first consultation today. Christian had come with me to some of my previous appointments with my other doctor, but this was his frist "big" appointment. We sat down and answered a lot of questions and reviewed all of the doctors I've seen, tests that have been run, diagnosis, etc. Then I had to go get a vaginal ultrasound done. You should have seen Christian's face! He was like, "They really just tell you to undress and get on the table?" This is coming from somone who NEVER goes to the doctor. I told him that this was no big deal-- I'd had more untrasounds than I could even count. Good news is that I have quite a few eggs and they look great!

But.. I haven't had a menstrual cycle in a year and obviously, am not ovualting. My Dr. thinks that I may have a tumor on my petuitary gland, so my next appointment is to have an MRI head scan done. I should be getting call later today or tomorrow to schedule that. If they find that I do have a tumor, this could be supressing my hormones from being released, causing me to not ovulate. Once we get the results back from that, we can decide the next plan.

My doctor's (RE) suggestion was to do injectibles, but these will cost $2-$3k a cycle. She said this would help to bring my hormone levels back to normal. Since they are so expensive, she said we could try Clomid/Femara at first, but she doens't seem to have a lot of faith that those will do the job.

Christian and I both had blood work done to test for things as well and should have those results soon. But, for now, the plan is as follows:

-Make appointment for MRI
-If there is a tumor, treat it.
-If no tumor (or after treated) start fertility meds (either injectibles/shots or oral pills: Clomid/Femara)
-I will be monitored with ultrasounds and bloodwork around mid cycle.
-Christian will have another semen analysis
-Perform IUI procedure

Long story short... This can end up being very expensive!!! ..And why most insurances don't cover IF.. I have no idea!

Pictures of our cute boys...

Here are pictures of our boys, Cooper and Bailey..

Bailey (with Coop in background):


Cooper:


And the two lounging on the couch (what they do best!):


Aren't they just adorable?! :)

Spoke to Doctor

I called and left a message for my Doctor on Thursday, but didn't get a return call. I knew she didn't work Fridays, so I just assumed I would get a call back Monday. No biggie. I was surprised when she actually called me back today. I had some questions about setting up an appointment with the RE, what I would need, etc. She told me to come in and get copies of my medical file from Tammy, so that I can take it to the RE. So, it looks like I will be calling in the morning to set up my appointment.. I just wonder how soon I can get in. I'm hoping really soon because I just found out that, more than likely, I will be laid off in the next week or two. One of the main issues here is insurance. Not that I have IF insurance coverage, but the fact that I was going to try and do any/all bloodwork testing thru my obgyn and have it sent over to the RE, since it will be covered under insurance then. I have insurance through my Husband's work as well, but myh obgyn doesn't take his insurance.. but.. I also was just told that she is changin practices and moving to a different hospital and that they may take his insurance. The "open" August 1st, I guess, so I'll call over there then to verify.
The other reality is the cost of procedures at the RE office. We will need to find out what route the RE is thinking will be best. It has already been suggested that we do IUI, but I know the costs can greatly vary, depending on meds, etc. Our consultation appointment will determine whether we can afford to continue on (I have a certain amount set aside for treatment) or put it on hold for another year or so.. I don't know.. It just all depends what goes on at that appointment. So, here's to hoping that we get an appointment set soon, so that I can also figure all insurance aspects out, etc. Only time will tell...

Well, it's late here and I can't believe I am still up.. Time to go to bed. I'll write more about our first rescue transport and weekend thus far later.. possibly tomorrow.

I stole this from another blog... It was to be answered with one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your significant other? working
3. Your hair? boring
4. Your mother? strong
5. Your father? nonexistant
6. Your favorite thing? food
7. Your dream last night? strange
8. Your favorite drink? Pepsi
9. Your dream/goal? success
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your hobby? wishful
12. Your fear? bugs
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. What you’re not? excited
15. Muffins? strawberry
16. One of your wish list items? house
17. Where you grew up? NC
18. The last thing you did? thought
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Favorite gadget? TV
21. Your pets? adorable
22. Your computer? great
23. Your mood? tired
24. Missing someone? nope
25. Your car? messy
26. Something you’re not wearing? socks
27. Favorite store? Target
28. Like someone? ok
29. Your favorite color? Pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? July

The husband and I are supossed to be going to a baseball game tonight.. It's been raining on and off today, but I assume it's still scheduled. We are also doing our first ever transport tomorrow! We will more than likely take the two bigger dogs (a chocolate lab and a great dane/lab mix) in my car with the other person having the smaller dogs. Our leg is only an hour, so we're just going to Bowling Green, KY. I'll try and remember to take pictures so I can post some.

I called and left a message for my Dr. yesterday.. I didn't get a call back and she doesn't work Fridays, so Monday will be the earliest... I'm trying to get all of the details together to make my appointment for the RE. It's exciting, but is also making me very nervous. Am I ready for this? Am I ready to commit to having procedures and shots and taking medicine to have a baby? Yes, I want a baby.. I am just scared of it all.

In other news, I'm thinking about getting a tattoo- of a sea turtle. They represent fertility, but also combine my love of the ocean. I really want one of my hip, but then people have said there is a great potential for stretch marks.. so, my other thought was my shoulder blade. I just don't know if I really want it there..

I still, technically, have three hours left at work. But, I think I am going to leave a little early. I want to go get my eyebrows waxed before we go to the game.. I wouldn't mind taking a nap either, but I don't think I have time for that.

Quotes that I love...

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog," or,"that's a lot of money for just a dog."

They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog."Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.
Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave mecomfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phrases like "just a friend,""just a sunrise,"or"just a promise." "Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust,and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person. Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past,and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day. I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a person."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog" just smile, because they "just don't understand."



And...

"Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will change the world for that one animal."

Little changes

I'm trying to figure out how to design this blog to make it more interesting.. I've added a picture at the top and hope to learn how to put pictures in my post. When I have a little extra time, I'm going to sit down and attempt to figure it all out.

Well, we're working on getting our money situation all worked out to make our appointment with the RE. We should have a better idea in the next week or so as to when we can make an appointment. The problem is that we have been told the initial consulatation can cost between $700-$2,000, depending on what tests the RE wants to perform that day. Unfortunately, there is no way to guage or estimate the cost until we sit down and meet with the Doctor. Other disappointing and stressing news is that every penny of that must be paid as you are walking out the door. You cannot set up a payment play, put x amount down, etc. So, we have to be prepared to pay up to $2,000 that day. But, we won't know how much the procedure is going to cost us before we have our consultation to see what they suggest. I've been told it will be an IUI, but how much monitoring and meds that will be involved will determine the cost. So, we won't know until we at least have our consultation.

In other news, Emma (our parrot) is going to the vet this weekend.. She's just getting her wings clipped, which we feel will help with her behavior because she can then get out of her cage and I feel we will have a better control of her behavior. She is still biting and lunging at us, but I'm hoping as time continues to progress, she will as well. She has begun eating food that we feed her through the cage, but we have to be cautious so that she doesn't snatch our fingers as well. It will be interesting at our house Saturday because we have to get her into the carrier to get her to the vet. I've already called to warn them that they will have a biter on their hands!

I have also volunteered for the Husband and I to do our first transport! There are a group of dogs that they are trying to coordinate rides for to their foster/forever homes and are coming thru Nashville! I've sent an e-mail to the transport coordinator and if they can fill the rest of the legs, we should be good to go.. I'm just waiting to hear back.. It's only an hour leg (from Nashville to Bowling Green, KY).

Ever feel like your life is at a stand still?

This is how I feel. It seems like during the week, my life mainly consists of school and work. I get home in the evenings and get to spend time with my Husband and darling boys, Cooper and Bailey, but then before long, it's time for bed and then time to start the day again. I live for the weekends. I live for the two days out of the week where we can relax as a family and spend time together. I know this schedule and hectic life won't last forever.. Eventually, we'll be able to have a normal life. I can't wait for the days where we can actually make a decent dinner and sit down to eat it together during the week.. Just little things that I want and wait for.

As for news in our baby world.. There really isn't anything new. We've got until October and then Christian must do another SA. I need to call my Dr. in the next week or so and see how soon we need to get into the RE. I know it can take some time to even get an appointment, so I guess I need to get the ball rolling on that. It's just an exhausting, roller coaster of a task.. We've began this whole journey a year ago and we aren't any closer than what we were then.

Stop procrastinating..

I need to study for my Anatomy class. I must learn evey muscle in the body by Tuesday, for the test. I would say that, so far, I know about a 1/4 of them.
Christian and I are going out to dinner tonight with my friend Kris, that I haven't seen in almost six years. I found him on myspace..
Other than that, we don't have any weekend plans. Christian is over at James' house and they are changing his oil in the car. He'll be home in a little while. My Mom brought Sydney over to visit. Sydney is her new dog.. She's an older dog (between 10-12) and she's really calm. She also puts Coop in his place when he tries to mess with her. Bailey doesn't seem to pay too much attention to her. While they are all quiet, sleeping on the couch, I should learn a few more muscles from my diagrams.
I know I am just wasting time becasue I don't feel like studying, but I'll be kicking myself, come Tuesday, if I don't. Off I go..

Sad and depressing.. and a reality.

I hate it.. I really, really hate it. I hate that there are millions of homeless animals in the world, many who will never know what love feels like. Due to the many contacts that I made when I was trying to help save Maggie, I have been added to countless e-mails lists. I now get several e-mails a day about homeless animals who need help. Unfortunately, I live in an apartment. I have Cooper and Bailey already. If I lived in a house, I would take in many more. But I know that no matter what, I can not help them all. There is a potential that we could do a foster situation (like I was going to do for Maggie), but I would honestly like it to be for one that no one else wants. One that has special needs and needs a little TLC. One that wouldn't make it unless someone stepped up to help them out and work towards finding them a forever home.
I just wish that there was more I could do. I am sad that Maggie's situation didn't end better, but I am so happy that her story has opened people's eyes and is helping other dogs in need..

Ever look at yourself..

and think, "Ugh".? Yep, that's how I feel. I'm sitting here on the couch in sweatpants and a t-shirt. My hair is crazy and I've got my glasses on. I now have to wear these damn glasses constantly. My eyesight has gotten to the point that I can't function without them. And I hate the way I look in them! My hair still has not grown out completely from the awful haircut I had months back.. I feel like I am going through a horribly ugly phase. I need to lose some weight on top of it all.
I've been studying this evening, but I'm burnt out now. I'm waiting for Christian to get home from school so that we can watch "The Bachelorette" finale. Another test tomorrow.. what's new?
Isn't it sad when you don't have the time to do things you want to do.. like paint my toenails, go to the gym, go to the pool.. I really hate having such a busy schedule, but such is life for me at this moment. Another year, and school will be done. Thank God.

Christian went to his Urologist appointment today. He's got to start taking a daily vitamin, make his food colorful (fruits and veggies= healthy), and cut way back on the caffeine. Three months of this and then another semen analysis. The Dr. said we would still do the IUI though. So, I guess this is just to see if we can make any improvement with his test results to "up" our chances.

I need and want a vacation.. desperately.