New recipe website

I just found a website that offers healthy recipes.. It has some really good stuff!

http://www.eatbetteramerica.com/recipes/

Kiwi is gone...

My little green parakeet, Kiwi, is gone. I have had him since I was 12 years old. My Papa gave me $20 for my birthday and I used it to buy Kiwi. I remember being a little girl, standing in the pet store. There were quite a few birds in a big glass aquarium. They all had the same green and yellow coloring. I stood there for a few minutes, trying to figure out which one that I wanted. I spotted Kiwi and decided that he was the one I wanted. I remember the employee coming over with a net and I pointed Kiwi out to him. I kept my eye on Kiwi the entire time, as the employee tried to chase him with the net... Eventually, we caught him!

Kiwi has always been small for his breed of bird. I currently have two other parakeets (Ty and Cotton) and they are quite a bit bigger than Kiwi, even though they are younger than him.

Kiwi got sick a few months ago and I had to take him in a couple of times to the vet. His balance become unsteady and his beak turned a different color (which can be a sign of sickness). I had to give him medicine by a dropper for a week and it seemed to help some, although he stayed towards the bottom of the cage as much as possible (due to loosing his balance).

A short time later, I took him back because there wasn't a great improvement. He was given another exam, where the vet noticed that one foot was weaker than the other, but really couldn't pin point the over all health problem. It was discussed how Kiwi was pretty old and was actually the oldest parakeet they had seen. Kiwi was given some steroids, via syringe, but other than that, they weren't sure what else to do.

I saw some improvement and he had been doing pretty well recently. A week or so ago, I actually got to enjoy him chirping (which is something he hasn't done too much recently).

He has been through so much with me. When I was young, I used to read him Little Critter books and give him gifts on holidays. :) When we moved from NC to TN, I held his cage on my lap for the 12 something hour drive.

He has been with me as I have grown up and through all of my moves. It's amazing to sit back and think of everything that we have done together.

I took him to the vet's office today and dropped him off to have him cremated. I will be able to pick him up sometime next week. He will be put in a cedar box with his name and the dates that I have had him (December 1996-August 2008).

I miss him so much already..... I love you, Kiwi!

It's been a week..

..since I've had no job. I'll be honest. I haven't done too much. Last week was just for me to rest and this week I plan on getting the house in order and cleaned. But these damn massive headaches will not go away. They are almost constant and Tylenol doesn't seem to have much affect on them. Although, I am getting ready to pop 2 extra strength pills to try and get some type of relief. I double my medication dose tonight.. let's just hope the side affects don't double as well.

I also started my workout routine with Sweet21 (on my Pets board). Today kicked my butt, but I think part of the reason was because I was feeling like crap. The more I type, the more my head hurts.. so I have got to get off and lay down. They are making me physically sick. More later...

A tumor it is...

Even though it is not as severe as it could be, it is still weird to think about having a brain tumor. Who ever thinks they are going to get something like that? I started my medication this week to see if we can get it to shrink, but the side affects and definately showing their faces.. I fall asleep soon after I take the medicine and I get nauseous and have severe headaches. Today was actually the worst day, since I've been taking the medicine. I haven't been feeling too great all day today. And next week, my daily dosage will be doubled, but I hope it doesn't double the feeling of sickness, etc.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!!!!!!!

I am literally screaming with joy! Final grades are all going to be posted tomorrow for our Summer semester. I have been scared to death, waiting on this grade. It is for Anatomy, a class that I have taken more than once becasue it has kicked my butt. I HAD to get a "C" in this class because if I didn't, I would be dropped from my OT program, with only one semester of classes to go. I had averaged out my test grades and I was right on the line, but didn't know how the teacher would weigh the quiz grades, labs, etc.
So... I thought I'd check on-line, just by some chance that some grades would be posted early. And mine was----- A "C"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I literally started yelling and crying with joy! So much was riding on this grade... Literally, my future would be determined by this one little grade. And I did it! I mafe it! I am so proud of myself! Yep, it may be the lowest grade that I could have to stay in the program, but I did it! Now, I can enjoy the next two weeks of no school and no work with no stress and start school in two weeks refreshed and ready to finish strong!!!

MRI Results

Well.. I got some results:

Blood Tests: Christian is not a carrier of Cystic Fibrosis and neither am I. So that's good.

MRI Results: I do have a tumor on my pituitary gland. So, they will put me on some drugs to take at night and then I will have to go back next month for another MRI. Next time though, I am insisting that the needle for the IV be put in my arm and NOT the back of my hand!

It seems like things keep piling on.. But such is life.

This will, of course, delay any IF treatments.. so, we'll just have to take it one day at a time.

What are we going to do?!?!

"What are we going to do?!?!" This is what I am currently listening to my coworkers say from across the room.. followed by a series of fake, loud, obnoxious crying! haha
They are talking about me leaving.. about Friday being my last day. We're trying to keep the mood light around here, but I know it will be hard on Friday.. Even tomorrow will be hard because three of my coworkers are off on Friday, so tomorrow will be my last day with them. :(

I don't know what I am going to do.. not in a financial aspect because I think we've pretty much got that worked out.. but just going from having something going on non stop.. to having nothing. I'll have that two week break where I will have no school and no work. Talk about a change.

I'm getting anxious about my final grade in Anatomy. My last day of class is this Thursday and I think they have a week to post grades. I won't be able to fully relax until I know what that grade is. I've started a list of things that I want to do during my time off:

-Give Emma's cage a really good cleaning (parrot)
-Give Kiwi, Ty, and Cotton's cage a really good cleaning (parakeets)
-Take Cooper and Bailey for many walks and maybe even to the park a few times. Christian and I always do this together, but I may try it on my own.. depending on how busy it is.
-Lay out by the pool and get a tan
-Read a good book
-Organize my closet
-Give my house a really good cleaning
-Watch court tv shows! :)
-Watch some talk shows (another of my guilty pleasures!)
-Cook some awesome meals

...I'm sure the list will continue as I think more about it.

I should be getting my test results back from the MRI today or tomorrow. Let me just tellyou.. that was one of my worst doctor's appointment experiences ever. It really was horrible. I hate needles and was told that I wouldn't have an IV. Trust me, I am always being pocked with needles to have blood drawn, etc. but I like to know ahead of time to get myself mentally ready for it (yes, I'm a little crazy when it comes to needles). So, I go to this appointment thinking that it's no big deal.. I was told that as long as I was fine with going to a tannig bed, then the MRI wouldn't make me feel panicked and that was, basically, all there was to it. WRONG.

I sat down for my consultation and we went over health problems, why I was having this done, etc. Then (just to reassure myself) I stated, "Now, I will not have an IV, right?" And she looked at me like it was a silly question and said that yes, I would.. I told her I called ahead of time to check and was told no and she said they were incorrect and shouldn't have told me that information..

So.. ok.. no time to really prepare myself. I normally have Christian or my Mom go to any "different" doctor appointments with me. When it was just at my obgyn, I would go alone.. but for things like these, someone comes with me. But, I told them they didn't have to since I thought I was just being put through a machine for a few minutes.

We go into the room with the MRI machine and I lay down.. They then strap my head into some head rest thing and put a helmet over me.. Let me just tell you.. that machine was NOT the size of a tanning bed! Maybe 1/3 the size of it. I tend the freak out a little in closed spaces, so I started getting short of breath. I went through the machine and had to wear ear plugs because it sounded like a jack hammer right by my head. Next thing I knew, one of the lady's came up and grabbed my hand. I wasn't sure what she was doing until she tied my arm off.. and then I knew! I started panicking and telling her to stop.. They had me stuck in the machine will my arms and lower body sticking out and were getting ready to put the IV in.

They had to pull me out of the machine because I was having a panick attack. And, to top it off, they didn't give me the IV in my arm (which I am used to). They gave it to me in the back of my hand!! It was so much more painful this way!

I know I am a chicken.. I know I probably sound like a baby.. But man, was this a horrible experience. Often times, people ask me how I will ever have a baby and go thru labor if I get worked up over this. But when that day comes, there will be a real purpose behind any pain. For now, we're still in the "testing" phase.. So these needles are all just to do tests, which will eventually help, but you eventually get tired of it all and begin to feel like a science experiment.

Clomid vs. Injectibles

Thankfully, I now have a greater understanding of Clomid and injectibles. I did not fully understand this before: Clomid works with the brain, whereas injectibles work directly with your ovaries. Therefore, my argument of not knowing if injectibiles will work, based on the fact that Provera didn't work for me is invalid. Provera, like Clomid works with the brain too..

So, after much thought and discussion, I think we are going to plan on trying our first cycle with the RE with injectibles. Of course, I have to get the results from my MRI today, but I don't think that I have a tumor on my pituitary gland. (which could be the reason for my hormones not being released, etc.)

Either way, it looks as if our first medicated cycle won't be until October. Christian must have his second SA at the end of September/beginning of October. I am scared and excited.. I am now looking forward to getting this MRI over with, scheduling the appointment with the RE to go over to results and discuss the next steps in starting injectibles and doing the IUI.

Please keep me in your thoughts as this is my last week of my summer class. I really need to finish strong and do well on my final. Once I am done with this and get my final grade, it will lift a lot of stress from me.

Becoming a Mother

"Thoughts on Becoming a Mother"

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
-Unknown

We can see!!

So, Christian and I went to get our eyes checked this weekend. I already wear glasses (and have regularly for the past few months) and wanted contacts. I've been trying to convince himfor the past year that he needs to have his eyes checked, etc. but he kept telling me they were fine. Long story short, we both got our eyes checked (mine, rechecked) and left there with a trial pair of contacts. We go next weekend to pick up our prescription. For a guy who claims that his eyesight was just fine, I sure am hearing a lot about what he can see now! haha

I got for my MRI this evening after work. I am a little nervous (mainly about whether or not I will have to have an IV), but also ready to just get it over with. This is a large step to determine exactly what we will do next. I guess that once the results come in, we'll have another appointment with the RE and go over our options. I'm leaning more towards at least one month with Clomid, to see if my body is even going to react to anything. I would hate to spend all that money on injectibles and then my body not respond to them. Is there some certainty that they will even work? I'm just nervous about it all.. I don't want to money to end up being wasted if my body doesn't react. I feel like I am putting a price on our baby with all of this.. I just hate it.