It's my birthday (in 40 minutes).

... And I am having a hard time. It'll be my my 24th birthday... This is the first birthday since I was 12 that I will not have my little parakeet, Kiwi to share it with. Yes, he was "just" a bird, but having him for almost 12 years... he was there as I grew up. He passed this August and I cried that day like crazy, but tonight, it has hit me again.. I am just so sad. I think that part of the reason is that my Papa bought Kiwi for me for my 12th birthday and he passed away this summer as well.

Plus, this birthday just marks another time in my life that I thought I would already have a child or be pregnant. I always knew I wanted kids earlier on.. This whole infertility thing is taking a toll on me and this birthday is just brining reminders that are making me sit here in bed and cry.

Plus, my birthday will be spent with pretty much just myself and the boys at home. I have some errands to run tomorrow morning and then I have to take Mason to his training class. Christian has his first class of his last quarter, so he can't miss it. He probably won't be home until late.. Maybe not until after I am already in bed..

Hopefully, I'll be feeling better when I wake up in the morning.