Jumping back in...

I used to frequent the TTTC board all the time when I was diagnosed with endometriosis (almost 2 years ago!).

There for awhile, I went through a phase where I was very anger and bitter about my IF and, ultimately, I had to take a break from all the baby boards (the TTTC board included).

Four months ago, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor on my pituitary gland, which has also added complications to my IF. I have been receiving treatment for this for the past few months and will be going in a few weeks for another MRI to see if the tumor has shrunk. If the tumor can be controlled and shrunk, there are hopes that I will begin to have monthly cycles again (after not having any for about a year and a half now).

I have hope that the MRI will show good news and that there will be a chance that we can even have a *glimer* chance of TTC by having a monthly cycle again. C and I both have IF issues, but we've got to get my cycles regulated/started before we can persue any further treatment.

I'm in a phase where I am feeling some hope and don't feel as sad, angry, and bitter when I see children.. We recently adopted a third dog, who has special needs, and I really think that as I spent the last couple of months nursing him back to health, it helped me to focus on something else and not to have every thought consumed with wanting a baby.

Plus, it's C's birthday today and it just made me realize even more how much I want to have a baby.. something about us getting older (my birthday is in two weeks) just makes me long for a baby even more.

So, it's time to jump back in.. I'm not going to let the baby thoughts consume me, as they did before, but I think that I will start to allow myself to dream again...