Lortab, my love...

I called my nurse the other day because I was having a lot of pain from my endo.. It has almost been unbearable. I've been going to bed the last few nights with my electric heat pad to help with some of the pain, but it didn't do too much. I'm expecting AF next week, and that is probably going to be hell. Last month's was, so I'm preparing for the same..
So, my nurse called in a presctiption of Lortab for me. I need to go and pick it up to have on hand. The thing that sucks is that I really can't take it at school or work.. but at least I'll have it to help me in the evenings..
You know.. if I could just get pregnant, I wouldn't have to be dealing with this! God.. do you hear me?

Get off your lazy ass and care for the children you created!

I swear, my upstairs neighbor annoys the hell out of me.. It's a very odd situation to begin with. From what we have gathered, I believe he recently went through a divorce and he moved in back in October/November. When he first moved in, we introduces ourselves and helped him bring in some furniture. But he only lives in the apartment on Saturdays.. literally only Saturdays. I guess that's when he gets custody of his kids because they come over Saturday morning and are here until Sunday morning.. He has a son who is about 4 and a daughter who is about 8. They are the loudest kids I have ever seen!!!
As I am typing this, they are currently running around upstairs and stomping like a herd of elephants! I am contemplating going up and knocking on his door, since this has been going on since he moved in.. We thought it would just take a while for the kids to adjust and get over the excitement, but nope.. Every Saturday this happens.. And every Sunday, I am woken up at the crack of dawn by the running and jumping and screaming..
Jesus, help me because I am about the lose my mind! It's a hard situation because if I go up there, I risk pissing him off and him just allowing his kids to continue to do what they always do.. But then again, that can't be much worse than what it currently is. Then the other side of me is telling myself to suck it up since they are only here on Saturdays. But seriously, is it fair to listen to a freaking herd of elephants pounding above me and making my walls rattle?!?
Ahhh.. Just when I get up the nerve and begin thinking about going up there to speak with him, the noise stops.. I just got up and glanced out the window and they have just now left. At least I'll have some peace and quiet for a little while.. but it's just a short fix. Maybe I will catch him when he arrives home again and can go outside and mention it to him "in passing". But reality is, by then my courage will be gone because I will not be annoyed because it has been quiet for awhile..

What the hell is your problem?!?!

My uterus is on fire and my ovaries are shooting baseballs into my abdomen.

It's kind of funny.. I had someone say to me today, "Sometimes, you look like you don't feel good." Well, truth be told, I don't. A good week for me is when I feel bad only a couple of times throughout the week. Sometimes I can control my endometriosis symptoms with a hot pack or something, but for the majority of the time, there's nothing I can do but ride it out. Some ask me what it's feels like.. Well, it's feels different, just depending on the day. Take menstral cramps and mutiple it by about 10. Your average medicine won't even touch that. Then refer to the first sentence of this blog. Yep.. talk about some pain there. Then imagine a knife being stabbed over and over again into your stomach... Those are just some of the pain feelings I experience.

I guess the thing that gets me is when people try to play up their sickness. We have one girl at work that is in a different building. One of my coworkers asked her how she was feeling one day because she had been out sick. Oh man, did that open the flood gates... Now, it's an everyday thing. She walks up here and once she gets to our department, her whole body manner changes into the sick mode. She mopes on over to drop off paperwork and stands around a moment with a look on her face like, "poor, pitiful me.. " You wanna know what this great ailment of hers is? She's trying to quite smoking! I kid you not.. One day I may just look at her and say, "What the hell is your problem?!" There are people out there with cancer and life threatening diseases and you're coming around here looking for pity for something so trivial in the grand scheme of things.

I may feel like complete and utter shit some days.. But I try my best to not let it show. I don't act all defeated and put on a poor me attitude. I deal with the pain, change my breathing patterns when needed to try and help with the pain, and push on through. I don't want people feeling sorry for me, so it makes me mad when you have someone who doesn't even technically have a health problem who is trying to milk people's sympathy.

My Hubby's coming home!

My Husband has been out of town for three days and he's on his way home now.. I've got about 2 more hours before I see him. It has been nice having some time to myself, but I miss him! It has just made me realize how empty my life would feel without him. We've only been married for a couple of years, but he is such a major part of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without him. This weekend I went and got stuff for Easter baskets for our boys (our doggies) and I also picked up stuff for a basket for him as well. He has not idea and will be surprised! :) We are also planning on having a nice dinner of marinated chicken breast (for him), baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, sweet rolls, and banana pudding for dessert. Yum!

I can't sleep...

It's almost 12:00am my time and I'm still up. I'm typically a go to bed at 9:00pm kinda girl, so this is a change for me. I'm already visited all of my typical websites, searched for old childhood friends on myspace, and flipped through the channels. I guess if this goes on much longer, I'll just have to make myself go to bed and hope that I end up falling asleep...

Ready for the week to be over..

I am drained. Physically and mentally exhausted. There's just so much going on and am just can't seem to be content in anything that I have tried to do this week. School. Work. Studying. Even writing this. I just have this constant anxious feeling. I am ready for the weekend to come. I'm so glad that I have Friday off from work. I need these three days to relax and focus on school work and nothing else. I plan to get a lot accomplished this weekend, yet still relax.

I want a baby.

I am having one of those days.. I want a baby. This isn't a new thing for me. It just seems like something that is unattainable at the moment and today is a hard day. I am ready to be pregnant. I am ready for the excitement of telling family. I am ready to find out if it's a boy or girl. I am ready to decorate the nursery. I have a confession.. When my Husband and I go out shopping, we often buy things for our nonexistant baby. That is how bad we both want this. I am having a bad day, but I also have hope that these next coming months and into the Summer will bring good news. I just have a feeling. Please, let this feeling be right. It's kind of funny because I have this day by day calendar that a coworker gave me for my birthday. It is a daily horoscope, which I don't really believe in, but I enjoy the quotes/sayings, etc. When I looked at today's, this is what it said:
"Hang onto whatever optimism you can muster. Active Mars in agreement with Mercury insists that if you decide that it's going to be a triumph, then by golly it will be."

So, is this a sign? :)

Quotes

I came across some quotes on a message board that I visit frequently. I believe that they are all beautiful:

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher

“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.” Tom Krause

“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

“You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” Epicurus

"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream." Martin Luther King Jr.

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." Mignon McLaughlin

"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage." Lucius Annaeus Seneca

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." Franklin P. Jones

Courage is as often the outcome of despair as of hope; in the one case we have nothing to lose, in the other everything to gain." Diane de Poitiers