BFP, BFP, BFP!!!!

Alrighty, time to make an official announcement...

We are going to have a baby!!!

I was out and about yesterday.. went and visited my old coworkers, decided to go shopping for a graduation outfit (which is on Tuesday, by the way!), go by the tanning bed (and buy a whole new package of minutes!), and then figured I'd run into Publix and buy a pack of pregnancy tests since I was "technically" late, but with me, you never know.. I just needed to rule it out and know for sure that it was a negative.. like it has been for all these many, many, many months..

So, I get home, and Christian is mowing the lawn. I go in to try on my new outfits, but figured I'd pee on the freakin' stick to get it over with.. I pee on it, lift my arm up to set it on the counter to process and tell me that I was in fact, not pregnant (which I already knew) and I didn't even get the thing on the counter before it popped up postitive! The pregnancy line was way darker than the control line! I couldn't believe it.. I struggled to pull my pants up and find my flip flops as I stood in the bathroom, screaming, as the boys looked at me like I was crazy. I ran outside and stood on the porch, waving my hands like a mad woman (with the pee stick in my hand!), trying to get Christian's attention. He finally looked over and saw that my face was red and that I was crything and later told me that he thought something happened to one of the boys.. I ran over to the lawn mower, as he's yelling for me to be careful, so I don't get my toes chopped off.. I yell at him that we are pregnant and going to have a baby!! He sits there in shock, as he fumbles to turn the lawn mower off and I'm shoving the pee stick towards him. His first reaction was "No way, go pee on another one!" To which I replied that I was out of urine and this was definitely a positive test.. He came inside and after a minute, we immediately starting calling people. I laugh because I had always said that when this happened, we would be cautious and wait until I was out of the first trimester.. yeah, that idea didn't last long.

Christian had to go finish mowing the lawn before it turned dark, so I started googling my potential due date and calling more of my friends.. When he came back in, he decided to run to McDonald's and made sure to get me a large sweet tea so that I could produce more urine for that second test... which of course popped up positive within 3 seconds.

I barely slept at all last night.. I couldn't stop thinking about it!

This morning, I went to my RE and they did an ultrasound.. we saw the little sac, but it is still trying to be determined if I am 5 or 6 weeks along. According to my last cycle date, I should be about 6 weeks, but the ultrasound looked to be about 5 weeks. If that's the case, then I just ovulated later than what they suspect, which I think is the case.

So.. I get blood results tomorrow and go back next week for another ultrasound and repeat of today to check progress. Thankfully, I will be going to my OBGYN's office, starting next week, which will save quite a bit of money because we are covered by insurance there.

This all still seems so surreal.. I feel like it's just a dream. :)

Adding onto my list...

Fianlly got a call back from my Dr.'s office about my bone density scan. Osteopenia was shown on the scan, which is a precursor to osteoporosis. So, I already have a reduction in my bone mass/density (which typically doesn't happen until you are older). An appointment has already been made for me to see an Endocrologist so we can figure out what the heck is going on with my hormones. I was also told that I will be put on medication for my bones.

So, let's recap it all for anyone who happened to recently stumble across my blog:

- Endometriosis
- 2 Blood Disorders (Pai 1 and MTHRF)
- Pituitary Tumor
- Osteopenia
- INFERTILITY!!

It seems that no matter where I go, I can't escape babies or pregnant people. Thankfully, I am not in the "mad" stage right now, but it does make me sad.. I sit there and watch them and think about how I cannot wait until Christian and I have a baby. And wonder if I will even get there... and realize and think about everything that I have already gone through and what I will have to continue to go through to even have the chance of getting pregnant and delivering a healthy baby. I find myself surrounded by discussions of people talking about their pregnancy, how they are decorating the nursery, names they have picked out.. people who have recently had children.. stories of what their children are doing. When is it going to be our time?

So... the next step is that I will be starting acupuncture with a guy who is known for his success with infertility. Christian will also be taking supplements from the acupuncturist. We will set up the consultation in a couple of weeks and begin by the first of February. I've already had a phone consultation with him and he wants Christian and I both to cut out caffeine completely, wants me to eat eggs twice a day for the animal protein (since I am a vegetarian and won't eat meat), and not do any cardio. I am having an issue with the no cardio, as I want to lose about 10 pounds, especially before I become pregnant. I've done some research and found that weight can still be lost without cardio, but I just think it would be really difficult... But, I do know that diet is the majority of the plan for weight loss. So, I do need to start eating better.. and stop sipping on the coke I just had. Yes, I know.. no caffeine. I have said that once the caffeine is out of my house, I will not buy anymore.. And I have some tea left and about a half liter of Coke left.. Then, I'll turn hard core. I wonder if he means no chocolate either? That does have caffeine... This may be harder than I originally thought..

So... to sum it up, acupuncture until June. If no success, onto injectables and IUI.

Progress!!

Well... She has come to visit. Aunt Flo decided to see me!! I am so freakin' excited! I haven't had a period in 2 years and yesterday, it started. Now, I've just got to see if I ovulate. So, I'll start testing in about a week or so and see if I ovulate. Let's hope so! :)

Big Day Tomorrow!

Well, I start my Fieldwork for school tomorrow. And I must admit, I am really nervous. I've been thinking about it for the last couple of days and each time I think about it today, I get a little flutter in my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited on one hand because this means I am that much closer to graduation.. But, since I've been out of school for the last three weeks and had time just to lounge around the house, etc. I'm nervous about jumping back into a school related thing. Not to mention that I will have my own case load of patients and be responsible for carrying out their treatments. Ahhhh... that is so much to take in!

I know that I can do it, but man, I am just super nervous. So, think about me tomorrow.. on my first day.. :)

Wow, I am really sick.

I haven't been this sick in a long time.. Chrisitan's had the whole coughing and congestion mess, so I thought that's what I was getting a couple of days ago.. But nope, I'm thinking I may have the flu. I feel like I have been hit by a Mac truck. My whole body aches, I have a headache, it feels like a fever, and my chest hurts so bad from congestion. Whatever it is, it sure is kicking my butt-- big time.
To top it off, we are only 2 days before Christmas and I have three appointments today- a bone density scan, a chiropractor appointment, and a dentist appointment. And none of these can be rescheduled because today is my last chance to do them all before I start my Fieldwork on Monday.
I'm trying to force some oatmeal down and then I'm going to take some medication.. I have a little over an hour before I have to leave..

Edited Plan

First off, I know my last post had, shall we say, some choice language? I had thought of later editing it to take out some of it, but decided not to. After all, this is my blog to record my feelings and my journey. Those were my feelings, so they are staying there.

Ok, so I had another phone call with the RE office today. We are going to wait until the first of June to start injectables and IUI. Realistically, there would be no way, with my upcoming school schedule, to make it to appointments for monitoring, etc.

So... here's the timeline.
-Christian graduates in March and will get another, higher paying job, which will help out IF fund.

-I graduate in mid May.

-We are planning a cruise to go on in mid May to celebrate our gradation on starting IF treatment.

-June: Head first into the treatments and hope we don't have to wait long to get pregnant.

I have 5 months until we start treatment. So, what's my plan? To eat better and start working out. To get in the best shape of my life. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. That's my plan.

My life fucking sucks.

So, I am having myself a pitty party and I, wholeheartedly, believe that I am entitled to it. I finally got a call back from the RE.

Not. Good. News. I don't know how much longer I have the strength to keep dealing with this.
And of course, I got off the phone and realized I didn't ask her some other important questions because I was basically in shock.

So... There is no way, no how that I will get pregnant without intervention. Ok, sure, we knew that. But I was told that there is also no way, no how that I will get pregnant by oral fertility meds. Nope, people, this Mama (or lack of) will not be a Clomid success story.

She wants me to go straight to injectables. Shots. And lots of them. And then she wants us to do the IUI with the injectables cycle. Price you may ask? Injectables- $3k a cycle. IUI- Oh, about another $2k with monitoring, etc. She also wants me to go and have a bone density scan and said that I would have to take additional, daily, shots throughout my pregnancy for the blood disorders that I have. I also need Estrogen as part of my treatment, but due to my blood disorders, I cannot have Estrogen given to me via medication.

What. the. Fuck. Why, on God's green Earth does my life have to be so hard?

Some may ask, am I being mellow dramatic? Nope. Not at all. Trust me, if you knew my life story, you would feel me. You would completely understand.

She wants me to stop the brain tumor medication because she said it is not delivering the hormones needed for me to start a period.. which goes with the whole thing that no pills are going to help me. But, the important question I failed to ask was, if I stop taking this medication, how the hell is my tumor going to continue to be treated?

Also, there is no way that I can do injectables right now... One, I don't have an extra $5k laying around (for one cycle!!) and two, I can't go in for monitoring each week with my Fieldwork schedule of leaving the house by 6:45am and not getting home until after 6:00pm, Monday thru Friday.

So, I'm going to call her back tomorrow (and will probably get charged for another phone consultation) and ask her what I need to do to treat this tumor and deal with my other issues until I can start injectables and do the IUI procedure, which won't be until May after I graduate.

I am one fucked up case, that's for sure. And those weren't the EXACT words of the Doctor, but they were pretty damn close.